Wednesday, July 06, 2005

You haven't seen me. Right?



I'm just trying to head off a delivery of Tia Maria before mother gets wind of it.
You may remember that last year my Strawberry & Tia Maria Jam was a complete flop.
I'd just got the whole lot off to a good rolling boil when I realized that mother had been at the Tia Maria.
I don't like resorting to deception but the stakes are particularly high this year, what with the Kirkinch festival and Bet simpson trying to take advantage of a delicate situation to get Vanessa Paradis onto her Cake & Candy stall.
I don't know why there's all this kerfuffle over salmon pink and beige tickets. The simple solution would be to avoid using one of these colours, preferably the beige ones, as they can easy be confused with the pale yellow tickets as well.
Anyway I think that's the Oddbin's van now, you can tell by the way it veers from side to side.

Mystery Babylon


Vanessa Paradis kindly offered to run the raffle again at this years Kirkinch Festival Of The Airts but the growing opinion is that she can't tell the difference between a salmon pink ticket and a beige one.
The Archdruid of Canterbury has already said that he would oblige.
The problem of course is how to administer this slap in the teeth to poor Vanessa without upsetting Johnny as well. He's hardly going to take kindly to the love of his life being snubbed in this way and it could cost us our leading man.
The Archbishop may appeal to all shades of religious belief but he hardly has the pulling power of Johnny Depp.
I realize some people like him because he's a Druid as well as an Anglican but coming from good protestant, covenanter, stock I can't take to him on any level and I've already hired the marquee.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Help Is At Hand

Well, that was Johnny on the phone offering some of his hand knits for the raffle.
He also suggested, that instead of asking The Archbishop of Canterbury to do the raffle, he could help Vanessa with the salmon pink and beige tickets, if he's still off the drink.
Of course it will be up to Wombat.
As she knows only too well, from years of experience, a badly handled raffle can ruin a rural production as effectively as a cloud of midges.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Enter Mariners Wet

Kirkinch Festival of The Airts 2005

Yet another of Wombat's highly acclaimed productions looks set to be the main attraction at this years festival.
Following on from her success with Any Thane Goes at the Birnam Insitute, Wombat's latest Shakespearian adaptation, based on The Tempest, looks set to draw playgoers from around the world.
Johnny Depp, seen here with Vanessa Paradis at last years gathering, says he is looking forward to playing the lead and all the other parts just as soon as he gets the script and a decent pair of specs.
Vanessa has kindly agreed to run the raffle again this year.