Ozias Midwinter

I've just written to Johnny Depp, as you do, to suggest that if ever a character would "Suit you sir" that Character Would be the dark and mysterious Ozias Midwinter from the Wilkie Collins novel Armadale.
If I get a reply I'll let you know.

Sainted Mother

Talking of asparagus, years ago my mother created an asparagus bed behind the old polythene greenhouse my dad put up. She got a crop from it in it's second year but the following year when she when to see what was happening there was no sign of anything growing. For years she blamed my dad for destroying her asparagus bed but the other day I was listening to The Food Programme on the radio and I think I may have discovered what really happened.
The asparagus season is very short and usually stops in the middle of June the reason being that if you go on cropping it to the very end there will be nothing left to nourish the crown or root. It turned out that my mother didn't know this. She cut all the asparagus as it grew well past the end of the season till there was none left and no asparagus the next year.
My mother was always accusing my dad of cutting down or digging out her plants but she's a nightmare in the garden herself. Today I found her yanking out armfuls of poppies that had grown from seeds I'd scattered last year. We really need a new pair of loppers but if I get them she will just use them to mutilate the trees and shrubs. If she ever knew how to prune things properly she has forgotten. We have got some weird looking trees and shurbs and in the summer she just seems to be obsessed with giving every thing a bad haircut.
Last year when I was visiting my sister I had the neighbour's watching out for any signs of my mother hacking at the trees. One of them, who is an ex police officer wondered if she was expected to shout through a loudhaler, "Mrs Brown you are surrounded put down your loppers and move away from the magnolia tree."

Supergrass

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining through the sides of the blinds and I knew I'd have to cut the grass today. Before I started though I went off to do a bit of shopping to get my circulation going. I bought some sausages from the local butcher, pork with caramelized red onion, some venison and some asparagus. I'd cut the front and back grass and had started on what we call "The Plot" when my friend Nora arrived with some left over paint. We had a cup of tea sitting at my half painted, rustic garden table or rather I had tea and Nora had water.
The next item on the agenda was another shopping trip this time to the Organic Hut for vegetables. I bought radishes lettuce cabbage celery mushrooms potato onions and carrots. I'd eaten most of the radishes and half the celery by dinner time and although I meant to do the asparagus for dinner I forgot all about it.

Wednesday May 12th 2004

I was going to cut the grass today but it was still wet from last night and I couldn't really be bothered.