Thanks to Johnny Depp, The Archbishop Of Canterbury, Johnny Vegas and whomever it was that invented blogs, because that's where all this nonsense started. Virtually.
Thanks to all my kind friends, who came up with great ideas, sound equipment, musicians, theatrical costumes, and turned up from as far afield as London, Belfast, Edinburgh, Dundee, etc, to put up gazebos and bunting, clean the house and make a hundred pounds of pure pork sausages for the BBQ.
Thanks to Mrs Bridges, aka Beryl Sleep, aka Alison, for coming all the way from London, to hoover, cook for the crew on Saturday night and make heaps of sandwiches to keep us going on Sunday.
Thanks to all the stall holders who were prepared to add to the overall atmosphere knowing that it wouldn't actually be worth their while commercially.
Thanks to The Eassie, Nevay and Kirkinch Village Hall committee, also known as The ENKCA Dream Team, who were willing to get involved despite the damage it could do to their reputation. Thanks to ENKCA for the tables, benches, pancakes, strawberries, plants, Jam, etc and for putting up with being at the windy end of the garden.
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the Tombola. Thanks to Meg's Mini Market, The Spar and The Co-op in Alyth for their donations. The Teas and Tombola raised £100 towards the village hall fund.
Thanks to The Hazey Janes, Midas Falls, TwofiveOne, Dougie, Hilary, Donald, Diane, Jim Brown, Bob Davidson, Phil Hannah, Pete Fenton, Irene Grant, Peter, Michael Ryan and David Lawrence, Lillian, Amber, Ruth, Dean, Evelyn and Alan for the free music.
Thanks to Dame Joycee and Sir Ian for stepping into the theatrical spotlight at the last minute and thanks to The Little Theatre in Dundee for the costumes.
Thanks to Dundee's Social Work Department for the loan of the bunting and the Tea Urn.
Thanks to Jenny for changing her usual holiday plans and for trailing all the way from up from London without touching a motorway, to shift furniture, make sausages and sandwiches, enter the cake competition, do a bit of line dancing and wash dishes.
Thanks to Mrs Margaret Droonitt from The Water O Leith Allotment Society for agreeing to judge the Cake competition.
Thanks to Irene for being our pre festival site worker, sound engineer, Radio DJ, MC, keyboard player and accordionist and for working solidly from early morning till she finally collapsed on the sofa around 3am. And thanks to Zak for being a very good boy all day.
Thanks to Miss Loretta Brocoletti from The Olivio School Of Radio Acting for her probing and insightful interviews on Radio Kirkinch and for cleaning the bathroom and helping with the sausage making.
Thanks again to Mr Donald Clerk for standing in for the Lord Lieutenant of Meigle for the second year running and for his kindly advice to the angst ridden, lonely hearts of Angus, on Radio Kirkinch.
Thanks to Don and Sue for the loan of their oblong gazebo for the stage and for not complaining about the noise. Thanks to Irene, Emma and Andrew for all the grass cutting. Thanks to Stacey for helping to make the flags.
Thanks to Robbie for hedge trimming, gazebo erecting and general grafting and thanks to Robbie's mum for getting the BBQ's made.
Thanks to Lyssie for all the art work, for the children's face painting, her art exhibition, for bringing along all her musical pals, for blowing up hundreds of balloons and for giving me a loan of her good waistcoat.
Thanks to Lauren for her photographic and hospitality tent with lollies and balloons for the children. Thanks to Jenny and Lauren for getting the Hazey Janes to come to the festival.
Thanks to Steve and Sheila and the kinkeadly Babes for the organic pork. Thanks to Marcus, late of Furry Boot's marketing, for the sausage machine. Thanks to Marcus for BBQing all day and missing most of the show. Thanks to Brian and Jean for travelling all the way from Glasgow to spend their day slaving over a couple of smoking oil drums. Thanks also to Marcus for being remarkably cheerful throughout, and for helping Robbie to put up the gazebos etc when his sausage making enterprize was hijacked by Emma and The Kirkinch Festival Cast & Crew.
An especially huge thank you goes to my buddy up the lane who cut grass, lopped branches off trees etc etc etc and created Sweeney Todd's Barber Shop and Mrs Lovett's Pie Shop, complete with talking bird, insects and disgusting pies. Thanks also to last years secretary for dressing up as Sweeney Todd this year. He's still waiting for a lift home, by the way.
15 comments:
Yes we did Director, it was Fab, but it would not have happened without yours and Emma's hard work. Congratulation!
A great success all round-well done.
Thoroughly enjoyed the day-entertainment was varied and first class.
Dj(was it Loretta) was so funny and I hope she enjoyed T in the Park with the young group she interviewed.
I did enjoy T in the park, but horror of horrors I was delegated at the back of the stage, sitting on a wodden crate opening bottles of beers for the young ones..........this is no life for a DJ of my calibre is it!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew our Johnny would come he just couldn't resist working with us heheheheh
You're quite right a DJ of your world class standing should not be expected to sit on wooden crates and open beers even for The Hazey Janes. Think of the splinters!!!!
Bit of a problem with Johnny. He was supposed to be picked up but no one has come to get him and as his pressence here was all very hush hush I don't even know who to get in touch with.
I'm not complaining. I mean he's no bother but I think he might be pinning for his missus. There's no life in him at all and he'll no eat ma soup.
Dear Director of Press Relations,
I am writing to comment on the press release issued on the 28th July 2008.
I am disappointed that you have not made much of the Tarten Prada Wedges I wore all weekend long....they were hand-made especially to allow easy gear changing on the quad, with salt repelling qualities to ensure they didnt get damaged whilst unravelling the 90ft of sausage skin. You will agree that these specifications were rather unique and Mr Prada has been keen for high calibre publicity as he wishes to sell a pair to Gwenyth Paltry for her summer BBQ.
Thank you for keeping the photos of me out of the hands of the paparazzi. My time in rehab has been well spent, the patchwork jacket Johnny asked for is nearly finished and I am nearly recovered. Those detox crystals are very effective, although I am sure the head-frame is made from coat hangers! I must ask my therapist if I can take them off because they catch on the doorframe and are snagging my satin pillowcases.
Must dash - i have my chanting session in ten minutes.
Emma Thompson -Lots of Love Actually x
PS was I supposed to pick up Johnny?... I can not recall! He did say that he was happy to wait until i was fit for public viewing. He felt it was unseemly to cross the Tay Bridge with a tottering bit of totty ..such as i was. Mind you, Johnny in a pair of shorts was a sight to behold, and he should complain about my condition!
Dear Ms Thompson.
Thank you for you comments. The Kirkinch International Press Office would like to say that we take all comments and complaints seriously.
The Kirkinch International Press Office is committed to providing the highest level of customer service at all times and your complaint will be dealt with by one of our two thousand customer services representatives at our new Customer Services Centre in Calcutta.
I trust that this letter has addressed all your concerns and brought this matter to a close.
However should you wish to discuss matters further, please contact me on 07740 133 999 where I will be pleased to repeat the above bullshit at your expense. Lines are open between 10.00am and 4.00pm, Monday to Tuesday and calls cost £1 per minute from a BT land line.
Yours sincerely
T.K Mikki
Customer Services Manager
Kirkinch International Festival Press Office
Get on to Festivalwatch!!!!
I have, and they say that this is the type of response their Festival-watch department is becoming more familiar with. Unfortunately it appears that they, all too often, have to deal with the aftermath of festival fever. Apparently this is an uncomfortable syndrome which include symptoms such as 'trench foot' and 'megaphone mouth', both giving rise to itchy and painful blisters! However it is the effect of the elderflower-binding treatment which causes tyrannical irritability and irrational responses in media magnets as exemplified by the Director of the Kirkinch International Festival Press Office. Fortunately Festival-watch employ the diversionary tactics of the N-power Comedy Department to relieve the frustration and irritation of 'The Fever' and bring some sense of computerized call-centre justice to the world.
If you wish to delete this message press 1, if you wish to speak to an adviser call back between 11.59 and 12 midnight on Feb 29th only. If you do not wish to leave a comment we will make up our own, and call it yours.......
Dear Mz Thompson,
Your complaint has reached Festival Watch.
We take all complaint seriously. You have been allocated a complainers number which you should use in all further correspondances with this office.
ET:PINTA 000452679800142XYZOO894240548765920371325489038746398OO
Your Ref: Prada Wedges/Failed Promo contract/Kirkinch Festival 2008.
We also require your full name, address, date of Birth and a copy of your passport.
Your details will be kept secure in our Headquaters here in Nigeria.
Courtesy and civility assured at all time is possible
Your sincerly
C.N.G. Atos
Dear Mr/Ms Atoss
Thankyou for your quick response. I have entered the complaints number into the form attached and appear to have gained access to a booking programme for next years festival. I am sure this was a computerized oversight but couldn't resist..... i have sent the enclosed contracts to The Rolling Stones, The Scizzor Sisters, and the Worzels who have agreed to headline on the main stage. Cherry Bear will be happy to give the opening address, as long as she is aloud to judge the cake and tray bake contest. She will be bringing a few copies of her latest book 'Pulling Strings at No. 10' for a book signing stall and will read excerpts for the children ( I suggested a slot at about 4.30pm) Oh, she has also suggested TB acts as radio DJ for the afternoon -he still has his Baloo costume in the boot of his car. That went down well at the Glastonbury Festival!
Thank you for the opportunity to play at Festival organizer. I hope that your actions meet with my approval!
I feel that this matter has now been satisfactorily resolved and, that the revenge was a sweet as my cheesecake.
Emma Thompson
PS The dogs have chewed my Prada Wedges....
right, listen to me I will say this only wonce..........get your paws off our Johnny, he is still there cause he is waiting for the Italian to collect him. Thank god he didn't eat your soup director, we don't want that gogeous specimen to get the runs. I'm on my way to get him, ask him to get a wash before I arrive.I want him smelloing fresssshhhhhhhhh x
Loretta, Never mind Johnny, look at what Emma's done. She's only gone and booked that awful Tony Blair for the radio next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Johnny, by the way, is still sitting around in the same ketchup stained shirt he had on at The Festival, or at least, he was on Monday when I saw him.
signed
A Well Wisher
Allo,
Thiz eez Meeses Ava Bito Greefo.
Ama collin to remind you kirkinchees that not all coll senters r een calcutta.
Ama rispondin' from a leenin tower of a pizza marguerita.
Ama a bito dizzy so no more greef pleezo or all av to coll calcutta collectione departemento to collect Johnny eef the Italian duzn't arrivo.
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